O my blue eyed man :D this just makes he happy..:) I think breastfeeding is probally top 3 of my greatest accomplishments ever..#1 would be giving birth and #2 well i think im leavin that slot open for making it bfing for 12 months :)...The connection a mother and child have is like the secret to life i mean unless you experience it as a woman you will never understand!! Thats why i have such a had time hearing things on the news about mothers who hurt there babies...obviously they are crzy bc it just isnt the norm...Or mothers who give their children up..i dunno i just dont get it i do not think there is any justifiable excuse for a woman to be without her child!Ok enough of my opinion and more about my day...Today we swam!And i actually put my big body into a bathing suit...it was rough the whole day i was fixated on the fact that my sister has a killer body and huge fake boobies to boot...and here i am the porker who ate a whole whopper for dinner..yuck thats what it is is disgusting..but besides the fact that im gross and what not my baby boy loves the water :D he feel asleep at one point...i look like a lobster and i am so sleepy the sun will do it to ya...darn sun gets me every time!Anyways i need my rest going to spent the weekend with my father tomm. yay!!!i love him!:) hope everyone has had a blessed day!:)

Well today was the Williams 52nd family reunion in Sikeston, Mo. and i got really burnt!!Neways ill blog about it later...I just wanted to right and say im kickin my weight loss goals to the side while i am home here in Ar bc the food is just too darn good in the south!!:D Like all the greats...BBQ, Catfish, Sweet tea, lots of butter on everything, lots of lard and lots of crisco..Ive never been one to back away from the table or miss a meal but i guess its different after you have a baby my metabolisim isnt what it once was. my problem is that i can not come to terms with this body i have now i hate it!I am not confident llike i use to be i am just constantly beating myself up over my weight and my body bc its disgusting i dont even feel like my husband should love me or want to touch me ugghhh i am hoping this changes befor he gets back but who knows...I gotta go get me some rest while my lil man sleeps but ill write more when i have the time :)

*To: my boy*

I lay here at this very moment in time

your so still so calm so peaceful

You are truly one of Gods most beautiful creations

I am no one special at all

You are my reason for living

I watch you grow everyday and it breaks my heart

Because as your mother i would be very content if youd stay small and need me forever

Although I know this isnt the case

One day very soon you will be grown

A wife, A career and a family of your own

If I am not there with you my son

ALWAYS know you made my life complete

You patched up every hole my heart had and you put so much love in my soul

Being your mother is something i cant put into words

And this is what i was thinking at this very moment in time while i lay here and watch you sleep

I LOVE YOU Braxten Axl Ivy

love your mother

What is one to do when they realize that they arent living their life right? This is a question i bring up in my own head pretty much daily. #1 I need to get healthy..not skinny but healthy. I am 5'4 and 144 lbs (2 months post baby)...I was 121 lbs at 12 weeks pregnant. I have 22 lbs to get off by October when my husband returns from Iraq. #2 I need to try and model my life after Christ. #3 I want to try and give my child the best of everything to make him a well rounded human being. These are my goals as of today i will strive to make these a reality!:)

Dream Big

Today I ventured to Hobby Lobby. the greatest place on earth might i add...And i came across lots of things i thought i could get creative doing. So i bought 30 dollars worth of stuff came home and got crafty. As ou can see in the pic I made my son 2 passie holders. And i was thinking to myself "heck yes" I thought "man i am pretty creative I should make these and sell em. So I started to research online about differnt types and ill be dang they already exsist! And might i add the ones i found on the internet are way cuter..:( *sigh* I even had a cool name picked out and everything it was gonna be Babblin Baby Bling..but that little plan is gone with the wind..On another note i have got to get it in gear as far as my debt. I know i have it i know i need to get rid of it yet i chose to never look at my bank online! Why one migt ask? well bc it is so depressing it puts me in the worst mood ever. I will ge it done soon seeing as how my husband rides me about it all the time and thats the way i can shut him up..hehe..I am giving myself the rest of the week to prepare but then it has to happen....I have to get healthy and lose some of theses lbs!!I have an extra 22 lbs to get rid of by October when my husband comes home from Iraq!!!Hope everyone is had an amazing day :)